Spice Up Your Sex Life with Sexual Teasing

spice up your sex life

Teasing Lost and Found—A Real Life Example:

Often couples wrongly believe that they have “outgrown” certain erotic activities that were once a part of their relationship. Jessica and Ronnie are one such couple.

In a recent Spice Up Your Sex Life workshop, Jessica and Ronnie told me that they “used to do crazy things” while dating. Seven years later they described having a “good” sex life but hinted at a lack of sexual excitement and passion. The good news is that they realized this change was common for many couples, and didn’t think their relationship was somehow flawed. But they were stumped on how to re-ignite the flames of desire that once existed between them.

As they continued, both recounted how they would drive each other into a sexual frenzy during the first two to three years of their relationship. It turns out that their “crazy” sexual behaviors involved a significant amount of sexual teasing. When questioned about their current lack of teasing, Jessica (referring to the first two years of their relationship) said that she feels “too old to act that way again.”
Before I had a chance to respond, Ronnie challenged his wife’s statement and said that he would welcome a return of some of their past sexual adventures.

In a follow-up meeting, Ronnie proudly shared how Jessica immediately took him up on his offer! He stated, “She drove me absolutely crazy when we drove to the supermarket. It was after the workshop with you last week…” It turns out that Jessica hadn’t lost her ability to sexually tease her man. She seductively flirted and teased her husband, slowly describing how she was going to make love to him later that evening. Several times she provoked him while at the supermarket, whispering in his ear what she wanted to happen later that day. Ronnie joked that he became so aroused that he wanted to have sex as soon as they got home.

Spice Up Your Sex Life: It’s All in the Attitude

Jessica’s changed behavior resulted from a shift in her attitude. Once she altered her perspective (from believing she was too old to act seductively with her husband and giving herself permission to be seductive), she began to feel and act erotically toward her husband. The resultant and dramatic changes in Jessica’s behavior illustrate how passion is first and foremost a mindset – a way of viewing and experiencing yourself and your partner.

Try giving yourself permission to act seductively with your partner even if you have trouble thinking of yourself as a sensual/passionate person. Be patient and kind with yourself as you venture out of your comfort zone. You may be surprised to discover how effective teasing can be in your relationship.

For Jessica, the biggest turn-on was her husband’s reaction to her provocative behavior. As she described, “It was so obvious he was getting aroused. That made me excited, and his reaction made me feel OK about what I was doing…I started feeling sexy and powerful. If he seemed disinterested, I guess I would have felt rejected. To be honest, I would have felt like a big idiot. But the good news is he loved it!”

Jessica’s story highlights an important issue: couples need to remain open to each other’s attempts at nurturing sexual desire and sexual passion. Ronnie saw that his wife was trying, and even though he might not have been in a sexual mood in that particular moment, he accepted his wife’s flirtatious invitation and before long, he was in the mood, too. He allowed himself to be open to being seduced.

When your partner takes the risk to try something new, s/he is going out on an emotional limb—the danger is that s/he will face rejection and embarrassment. This type of rejection can really set your relationship back, so remember to be kind, respectful and non-judgmental with each other’s attempts to heighten physical intimacy.

Spice Up Your Sex Life Communication Plan:

While it’s necessary to give yourself permission to enter into the game of sexual seduction and teasing with your partner, it’s just as important that you and your spouse/partner give each other permission to experiment with new ways to increase the passion of your relationship. While an important opportunity may be lost if you reject your partner’s efforts to increase passion, you shouldn’t have to give up your core values and dignity for the sake of experimentation.

This is where communication enters the picture. Talk about your feelings, your fears, what turns you on and what crushes your libido. And don’t forget to discuss the conditions of safety needed to allow for sexual exploration.

Look for Teasable Moments

When Jessica gave herself permission to become more playful and tease her husband, she observed something interesting. She reported that her changed attitude led her to discover that there were many “teasable moments” that existed in their life—situations that she would have overlooked in the past now became opportunities for her and her husband to sexually entice each other.

Teasable moments exist at every corner of your relationship—couples in new relationships take advantage of this fact. Remember, it’s all about perspective— shopping for groceries can be totally mundane or an opportunity for heightened eroticism. If you find yourself waiting for the “right moment” to tease and seduce your partner, chances are you’re missing opportunities that presently exist.

Are you and your partner ready to spice up your sex life through sexual teasing?

(Featured image courtesy of Marcolm at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)