How to Seduce and Turn Your Husband On

turn your husband on

In this incredibly busy world, there’s lots of talk of scheduling sex in marriage or long-term relationships so that your intimate life doesn’t get lost under all the Must-Dos that pop up every day. And while that is indeed sound advice for couples determined to carve out the space for intimate moments, there are times when you want to feel that it’s not planning that’s sending your partner into your arms, but his spontaneous desire for you.

That’s where seduction comes in.

How to Seduce and Turn Your Husband On

Although we’re focusing on this topic from the woman’s point of view (thank you to my blog subscriber who wrote in asking me to share tips on how to seduce and turn your husband on!), this advice can equally apply to a husband asking, “How do I seduce my wife?” or a boyfriend wondering, “How can I turn my girlfriend on?”

You probably remember seduction from your single days. Maybe seduction felt slightly magical, slightly inexplicable, a way to covertly express your desire for the Other without him/her knowing that’s what you were doing.

But the fact is, there is very much a place for seduction in marriage or long-term relationships.

The reason for that is that we all want to be wanted. We all want to be desired. Whether we are the only one in the mood in any given moment, we don’t want our partner to need the building to fall on him/her before the realization dawns that the moment is resonating with desire and longing.

So to get you on the road to seducing your husband or boyfriend (and in the process, turning your husband or boyfriend on), here are some tips to start you off.

3 Tips for How to Seduce and Turn Your Husband On

1) Show him your wild side

“But I don’t have a wild side!” you might be saying. And I’m here to tell you, unequivocally, that you do. You may think you don’t if you’re comparing yourself to a chandelier-swinging bungee-jumper, but those kinds of comparisons are unhelpful. It’s not what other people are doing that’s important; it’s what works for you.

How to seduce your husbandYou may be slightly afraid of your wild side if you don’t step into it often. No worries! With practice, you’ll learn where the edges of your comfort zone are and you’ll learn to notice when you feel safe to step over the edge from time to time. And if, in the process of giving your spouse/partner a glimpse of your wild side, you surprise yourself, you’ll surprise him too.

One of the truly wonderful things about marriage or committed relationships is that element of familiarity between you and your partner. You can return to the solidity of that deep knowing of one another when the world out there becomes stressful or confusing. However, that level of familiarity doesn’t always spice up the bedroom: sometimes, when you think you know your partner’s every move, sexiness wanes.

So showing your man your wild side can be just the surprise your sex life needs!

It’s important to reiterate that your wild side doesn’t have to be something the world would define as dramatic or over-the-top. The only relevant aspect of it is how does it make you feel? If you behave seductively in a way that feels right to you, you will be seductive. (Sexiness is first and foremost a mindset.) Some people get turned on by doing something risky, like having sex where sex is not allowed. And for other people, that kind of riskiness would be a turn-off.

The important thing is to find your own erotic edges and explore them in the way that feels right to you.

2) Show him your demure side

This may feel like a contradiction (and indeed, strictly speaking, it is the opposite of the previous point), but when you think about sex, you’ll see that it’s often a complex web of contradictions (for example, you might tease your man by withholding sex—which may look like the closing of a door—which will draw him closer…in essence, opening the door wider).

A nuanced life is one with light and dark, sun and shadow, wild and mild. Contrasts teach us more about the world and more about ourselves.

Your wildness appears even more wild when it’s placed against a backdrop of demureness. Characteristics are magnified when they are juxtaposed with their opposites. Therefore, your wild, take-charge side can be sexy and seductive (when you “own” it…remember the mindset), and your mild, bashful side can be sexy as well.

So if the human brain is wired to notice contrast, what does this mean on a practical level? What does the wild/mild dichotomy mean for your sex life? What does this mean in your quest to learn how to seduce and turn your husband on?

It means that sometimes, your spouse/partner will get turned on by seeing a side of you that feels unfamiliar (your wild side), and sometimes he’ll get turned on by implicitly being asked to be “in charge” in the bedroom (via your demure side).

Varying the power dynamics in sex is a big turn-on for many couples. With that said, only what you have both agreed upon should be explored in the bedroom. And however this plays out in your sex life, it should never be used as an excuse for one partner dominating or controlling the other outside the bedroom or in any way not mutually agreed-upon by you both.

3) Target his core erotic turn-ons

One of the many benefits of sex in marriage or long-term relationships is that you can get to know your partner much more deeply and intimately than you could otherwise. And this fact can nurture and feed your sex life!

Part of knowing your partner is knowing his core erotic turn-ons. What really drives him wild? Is he visual? Does he react strongly to what you’re wearing? To pictures? If so, you might want to work with visual turn-ons.

Is he highly sensual in other regards? Does he respond to scents? To sounds? What kinds of enticements stimulate him?

Some of this knowledge will be gained through trial and error (which is the case with so many aspects of life in general). Your job is to be attentive to verbal and non-verbal cues your man is giving you and add that knowledge to your intimacy toolkit. How you entice and seduce your husband will vary from individual to individual. The details themselves aren’t the most important things here, but rather, your openness to discovering his erotic turn-ons and your willingness to using those turn-ons as you seduce your husband/partner.

Say hello to seduction in marriage/committed relationships

So if you thought seduction was a thing of the past (something relegated to your single past, that is), think again. How to seduce your wifeUsing seduction from time to time can add heat and spice to your sex life as a couple.

I hope these tips have gotten you started thinking about how to seduce and turn your husband on, and I hope you have fun (both in the thinking and in the doing!).

To learn more about seduction in long-term committed relationships, check out my special report on Seduction for Couples.

Here’s to using seduction for a more fulfilling sex life!

Rich Nicastro, PhD


Featured (top) image credit: “Girl with wet hair” by Marin;

Featured (middle) image credit: “Tango Couple” by Pedro Ignaclo Geridi under CC BY-SA 2.0