Category Archives: Communication About Sex

What Turns Women On? One Wife’s Story

what turns women on?

So many men and husbands want to know what turns women on (and in particular, find ways to seduce and turn on their wife/partner). This makes sense, doesn’t it? They want to give the women they love pleasure, but they also want to feel desired in the process. After all, passion doesn’t feel all that passionate

Sexual Fantasy to Spice Up Your Sex Life

Sexual Fantasy

The ability to fantasize is a powerful psychological experience, transporting you from your current reality to the land of possibility. Freud theorized that when reality frustrates us in some way, the mind creates imagined alternatives to help us cope. In this way, fantasy offers us a momentary escape, a psychic vacation that we can return

Ways to Spice up the Bedroom for Him

ways to spice up the bedroom for him

Couples in long-term marriages or relationships are curious about spicing things up in the bedroom. In other words, they want a little more sexual passion and a bit more excitement because love-making has grown a little stale. While the repetitiveness of our marital routines offer us a great deal, such as deepening trust (a trust

Affair Recovery: Rebuilding Your Sex Life after an Affair

affair recovery

The betrayal of an affair can be one of the most devastating things for an individual, and also for a relationship. It may not surprise you to hear that many relationships don’t recover from the fallout of an affair. However, many relationships do. That’s the focus of our attention today, those couples that decide to

How to Seduce and Turn Your Husband On

turn your husband on

In this incredibly busy world, there’s lots of talk of scheduling sex in marriage or long-term relationships so that your intimate life doesn’t get lost under all the Must-Dos that pop up every day. And while that is indeed sound advice for couples determined to carve out the space for intimate moments, there are times

3 Couples Share Ways to Spice Up the Bedroom

ways to spice up the bedroom

When couples ask “experts” about ways to spice up the bedroom, have you ever wondered where their sex advice is coming from? Are the experts secretly sharing what works in their relationship? Is their sex advice research-driven or theoretical in nature? Or is it a piece of relationship advice given to a couple they worked

How to Turn Him On: The Role of Seduction in Your Relationship

How to turn him on

In the many workshops and seminars I’ve held for couples, there are certain questions that pop up quite often. One I’d like to discuss today is what many a wife or girlfriend has posited: “I want to learn how to turn him on.” This brings us to the role of seduction in marriage and long-term

Let’s Talk About Sex: Why Is It So Difficult to Talk About?

Let's Talk About Sex

If you’re like most people, talking about sex is difficult. Whether you love sex and need a lot of it, or whether you find yourself a-okay with long stretches between lovemaking, you probably don’t often (or ever) turn to your spouse or partner and declare, “Hey, what do you say? Let’s talk about sex.” Even

What Do Women Want in Bed? 3 Women Discuss Their Sexual Needs

what do women want in bed

The question of what women want in bed (or what anyone wants in bed, for that matter) is not one that allows for a straightforward, predictable answer. Like so much in intimate relationships, it is steeped in subjectivity. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t talk about it!  Part of what can make life exciting is

7 Days to a Steamy Sex Life: Embrace Your Daring Side

steamy sex

“Javier and I were at home watching a movie one night,” Monica said, “and there was a racy scene in it. A really racy scene.” Javier cleared his throat. He and Monica had been married for eight years and had twin daughters, age four. “So anyway,” Monica went on, smirking, “on-screen the actors were really

Intentional Love-Making: How to Enjoy Sex

Making Love

“Intention is the core of all conscious life. Conscious intention colors and moves everything.” ~Master Hsing Yun What does it mean to be intentional? And how can intentional love-making help you achieve a better sex life? In a world of competing priorities, never-ending “to do” lists, and rapid-fire gratifications, it’s easy to mindlessly skim through

A Fulfilling Sexual Relationship Starts with Self-Understanding

fulfilling sexual relationship

People feel and act differently when they are turned on. This obvious statement has implications, I believe, for a couple’s sex life and for improving a sexual relationship. It raises the question(s): Who do you become during sex? Who do you become when you’re turned on? Which aspects of yourself do you leave behind when

Understanding Your Partner’s Level of Sexual Interest

sexual interest

There are certain relationship dynamics that impact a couple’s sex life and certain relational dynamics that arise from their sexual relationship. One particular pattern has to do with the expectations that result when one partner wants more frequent sex than the other—when one partner wants sex and the other can take it or leave it

Couples Sex: 5 Levels of Sexual Communication

couples sex

Sex is a form of communication—an expression of feeling, desire, longing, a sharing of ourselves through the language of eroticism and sensuality. This communication may involve words, but it doesn’t have to. In fact, the life of Eros is often manifest through the wordless expression of our body-self. At times our body’s unique language will

No-Sex Marriage? A Lack of Trust May Be the Cause

no-sex marriage

Whenever we speak of sex in marriage or long-term relationships (and the reasons for a no-sex marriage or relationship), emotional security becomes highly relevant. Experiencing emotional safety with your spouse/partner is the bedrock on which sexual intimacy rests, yet too frequently couples looking to enhance their sex lives fail to place this important issue under

Considering an Open Relationship? 5 Relationship Tips

Tips for an Open Relationship

As increasing numbers of individuals and couples question the viability of long-term monogamous relationships, consensual non-monogamy (open relationships such as swinging and polyamory) is receiving greater attention from the lay public and professionals alike. While the idea of an open relationship can make some people shake their head in disapproval, it’s important to keep in

How To Seduce Your Man

How to Seduce Your Man

Let’s be honest: some people just seem to naturally exude sex appeal and seductiveness. And then there are the rest of us who have to work on being seductive. The good news is, with intention, effort, and some understanding of the erotic mind, you can make seduction an ongoing part of your relationship or marriage.

What Turns You On? The Allure of the Forbidden

Forbidden Turns You On

Miriam turned to her husband Zane and sheepishly whispered: “We were so crazy sexually. Remember the time after the concert we stayed in the parking lot and had sex? I’m surprised we didn’t get arrested. We had to be in our early twenties then, right?” Zane replied: “Oh my God, that was so hot. I

How Silence Led to a Sexless Marriage (Installment #3)

sexless marriage

Welcome to the 3rd installment of the Making of a Sexless Relationship series where we witness one couple’s sex life change from a rich landscape of possibility to a place devoid of sensual/erotic pleasure. And, in the process, where we can learn more about our own sex lives and learn how to avoid the pitfalls

Open Marriage: One Couple’s Journey

Open Marriage

When I first started working with couples some twenty years ago, like many new therapists, I was a bit naïve about the complex and diverse relationship issues that would bring couples to my office. Where my experience lagged, my eagerness to learn picked up the slack. I remember one wife in particular, Louise, who contacted

5 Approaches to Initiating Sex

5 ways to initiating sex

Sex doesn’t just “happen”; it is set into motion by the partner who wants to have sex (the initiator) and then it is up to the other partner (the recipient) to accept (or reject) the invitation. When you or your partner desire sex, one of you must request sexual engagement (unless you both end up

Sexual Turn Ons: Understanding Your Libido

sexual turn ons

“My husband gets turned on at the drop of a hat. At times I can just give him a hug and I can feel he’s getting hard. If his libido was a car, it would be a Ferrari with a full tank of gas and his foot already revving the engine. My libido is very

5 Steps to Spice Up A Boring Sex Life

overcome a boring sex life

Dictionary.com defines a rut as “a fixed or established mode of procedure or course of life, usually dull or unpromising.” At times we’ve all felt like we’re just spinning our wheels with little-to-no forward movement. For some of us this might occur in our efforts to become healthier or lose weight. For others a particular

The Dangers of Initiating Sex

Initiating Sex

For sex to happen, someone has to initiate it. (I realize I’m stating the obvious.) But for the couples in marriages or relationships that have grown stale, and for couples who’ve fallen away from each other despite their desire for emotional connection, the initiation of sex is often an anxiety-provoking experience. Too many couples fail

Passionate Love-Making: Are You Being Realistic?

Passionate Love-Making

When couples complain about their sex lives, they are either frustrated with the frequency (too little sex, or in some cases, one partner complains that the other wants it all the time), or the quality of sex is lacking (the sex feels lifeless, mechanical or overly predictable). For the couples who come to see me,

How to Seduce Your Wife (and Husband)

How To Seduce Your Wife

Sometimes guys get a bad rap when it comes to sex. But in the case of Evan, this bad rap was well deserved. One of the male-centric accusations I often hear is that men are indiscriminate when it comes to their sexual tastes—in short, if given the opportunity, we’d basically sleep with just about anyone.

The Making of a Sexless Relationship (Installment #2)

Making of a Sexless Relationship

This is the second blog post in a series that follows Becca and Hugo, a couple struggling to recapture the sexual and emotional intimacy that once existed in their marriage. You can read the first installment by clicking sexless relationship. Misunderstandings and conflict, and the emotional wounding that ensues, are a normal part of any

The Making of a Sexless Relationship (First Installment)

Sexless Relationship

“The Making of a Sexless Relationship” is the first blog post in an ongoing series that follows one couple through the ups and downs of their relationship as they try to make sense of their struggles with emotional and sexual intimacy. While you may not identify with every aspect of their story, there will likely

Building Anticipation to Spice Up Your Love Life

how to spice up your love life with anticipation

If you are seeking ways to spice up your love life, it’s important to take a moment to understand the workings of the erotic mind—in this case, your and your partner’s erotic mind. A significant percentage of the couples who fall prey to a sexless or passionless relationship frequently seek tangible solutions to pull themselves

Remaining Open to the Possibility of Sex

Overcoming a sexless relationship

At a recent couples workshop on intimacy, I asked the participants what helped get them in the mood for sex. What followed was a lively discussion about each person’s turn-ons and turn-offs, but soon the conversation veered to the important issue of when one partner is sexually raring to go while sex is the last

When a Negative Body-Image Blocks Sexual Pleasure

sexual pleasure

Sex brings our bodies onto the center stage of our own awareness and the awareness of our spouse/partner. For this reason, our relationship to our body (how we feel and think about our body in general, as well as how we think and feel about particular aspects of our body) is highly relevant to whether

Tips for Greater Passion and Sex in Marriage

Sex in Marriage

New relationships are often infused with passion—an emotional intensity and a sexual charge that creates a blissful orbit around a couple, bathing them in euphoria and excitement. Connecting moments—in and out of the bedroom—seem to automatically happen during this initial phase of the relationship. But as a relationship matures, something starts to shift. Over time,

Men and Sex: 3 Mistakes Guys Make in the Bedroom

Men and Sex

Great lovers are sensitive lovers. They are open and receptive to different levels of feedback (verbal and non-verbal) from their partners about what is and isn’t working sexually. And then, most importantly, they adjust accordingly. We’d all like to consider ourselves astute lovers who drive our partners wild with sexual desire, but the reality is

How to Seduce Your Husband: One Husband’s Perspective

How To Seduce Your Husband

Daniel and Elizabeth have been married for about four years, while they’ve known each other for a total of eight years. Throughout the ups and downs of their marriage, the couple reports that they always had a “good sexual relationship,” but a pattern has set in that concerns Elizabeth. Daniel rarely initiates sex, though whenever

Sexual Communication: When Words Aren’t Needed

sexual communication without words

You cannot have sex without communicating with your partner at some level—in fact, communication is constantly occurring during sex, whether you realize it or not. And often sexual communication doesn’t involve words. Murmurs and moans, movements and touch, tensing and relaxing, facial expressions, changes in breath, all send feedback to your partner about your sexual

Sexual Surrender: Handing Over Power During Sex

Sexual Surrender

Joan’s life is rich and rewarding. She has a strong social support system of friends and family she feels close with, she enjoys the challenges of her career as dean at a highly regarded university, and she has a strong relationship with her husband Albert and their two teenage daughters. A self-described “feminist” and “go

Sexual Teasing to Spice Up Your Relationship

The ARt of Sexual Teasing

Cindy and Gerard have a good marriage—though it’s a bit dull. They love each other deeply and their commitment is strong; they make each other laugh and play well together; they have several shared interests as well as separate interests; and they support each other’s ambitions and dreams. Like many couples, they argue once in

How Communication Problems Lead to a Lack of Intimacy

Lack of Intimacy

No one can deny the incredible gifts an intimate relationship offers…that is, when the relationship is working. When it’s not going smoothly, it might feel like more challenge than gift. All too often, couples report being dismayed by a lack of intimacy in marriage or long-term relationships, especially when the relationship matures past the initial

Understanding Obstacles to Sexual Desire

Is low sexual desire hurting your relationship?

Human beings are sexual beings, and for many couples, sex is one of the most powerful expressions of their love—a connecting force experienced through the giving and receiving of sensual pleasure. Sex is clearly an important part of a marriage or romantic relationship. Yet despite the powerful gifts that sex can bring a couple, the

Better Sex in Marriage: Trust and Vulnerability Are Key

Better sex in Marriage

What steps can a committed couple take to have better sex in marriage (or in a long-term relationship)? This was the question that led the couples at the intimacy workshop into a two-hour discussion about how marriage impacts (for better or for worse) sexual passion and fulfillment. And the consensus for many was that marriage