Category Archives: Benefits of Sex

Masturbation in Marriage: An Exploration

masturbation in marriage

“We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.” ~Lily Tomlin Do you know if your husband masturbates? How about your wife? Your partner? If you answered yes to the above questions, do you have any sense of the frequency with which s/he masturbates? Or what s/he thinks/fantasizes

How to Seduce and Turn Your Husband On

turn your husband on

In this incredibly busy world, there’s lots of talk of scheduling sex in marriage or long-term relationships so that your intimate life doesn’t get lost under all the Must-Dos that pop up every day. And while that is indeed sound advice for couples determined to carve out the space for intimate moments, there are times

How to keep sex interesting in long-term relationships

How to keep sex interesting

I’m often asked by couples that are married or in long-term relationships about how to keep sex interesting. For some of these couples, there is a painful lack of intimacy they’re trying to overcome. And for many, they have an enjoyable sex life that just feels a bit ho-hum. Whether you and your partner are

3 Couples Share Ways to Spice Up the Bedroom

ways to spice up the bedroom

When couples ask “experts” about ways to spice up the bedroom, have you ever wondered where their sex advice is coming from? Are the experts secretly sharing what works in their relationship? Is their sex advice research-driven or theoretical in nature? Or is it a piece of relationship advice given to a couple they worked

Thinking about My Sex Life: Am I Kinky?

Kinky sex

“I like candle wax dripped onto my body when Jake and I have sex,” Marla said to her friend Anne over lunch. They’d gotten around to talking about their intimate lives, and Marla couldn’t wait to throw that particular grenade. She grinned slyly as she anticipated Anne’s reaction. But the grenade just sat there, unsatisfyingly

Considering an Open Relationship? 5 Relationship Tips

Tips for an Open Relationship

As increasing numbers of individuals and couples question the viability of long-term monogamous relationships, consensual non-monogamy (open relationships such as swinging and polyamory) is receiving greater attention from the lay public and professionals alike. While the idea of an open relationship can make some people shake their head in disapproval, it’s important to keep in

What Turns You On? The Allure of the Forbidden

Forbidden Turns You On

Miriam turned to her husband Zane and sheepishly whispered: “We were so crazy sexually. Remember the time after the concert we stayed in the parking lot and had sex? I’m surprised we didn’t get arrested. We had to be in our early twenties then, right?” Zane replied: “Oh my God, that was so hot. I

Self-Surrender: Letting Go for Better Sex

Self Surrender

When you hear the word “surrender,” what goes through your mind? The idea of surrender usually has negative connotations: losing a battle, being overtaken by someone more powerful, giving up, handing over your power. It’s usually the beleaguered partner who throws up his/her hands and exclaims, “You win, do it your way!” In these instances,

Open Marriage: One Couple’s Journey

Open Marriage

When I first started working with couples some twenty years ago, like many new therapists, I was a bit naïve about the complex and diverse relationship issues that would bring couples to my office. Where my experience lagged, my eagerness to learn picked up the slack. I remember one wife in particular, Louise, who contacted

Sex After 50 (Part 2): Stop Standing in Your Own Way

Sex After 50

In a previous Sex After 50 blog post, we examined a particularly damaging attitude that too many older couples hold regarding their sexuality—an attitude that dictates what is considered appropriate/inappropriate for a particular age group. When applied to older couples, the attitude of “age-appropriate” behavior places significant constraints on a couple, constraints that impact not

Passionate Love-Making: Are You Being Realistic?

Passionate Love-Making

When couples complain about their sex lives, they are either frustrated with the frequency (too little sex, or in some cases, one partner complains that the other wants it all the time), or the quality of sex is lacking (the sex feels lifeless, mechanical or overly predictable). For the couples who come to see me,

How to Seduce Your Wife (and Husband)

How To Seduce Your Wife

Sometimes guys get a bad rap when it comes to sex. But in the case of Evan, this bad rap was well deserved. One of the male-centric accusations I often hear is that men are indiscriminate when it comes to their sexual tastes—in short, if given the opportunity, we’d basically sleep with just about anyone.

The Making of a Sexless Relationship (Installment #2)

Making of a Sexless Relationship

This is the second blog post in a series that follows Becca and Hugo, a couple struggling to recapture the sexual and emotional intimacy that once existed in their marriage. You can read the first installment by clicking sexless relationship. Misunderstandings and conflict, and the emotional wounding that ensues, are a normal part of any

The Making of a Sexless Relationship (First Installment)

Sexless Relationship

“The Making of a Sexless Relationship” is the first blog post in an ongoing series that follows one couple through the ups and downs of their relationship as they try to make sense of their struggles with emotional and sexual intimacy. While you may not identify with every aspect of their story, there will likely

Building Anticipation to Spice Up Your Love Life

how to spice up your love life with anticipation

If you are seeking ways to spice up your love life, it’s important to take a moment to understand the workings of the erotic mind—in this case, your and your partner’s erotic mind. A significant percentage of the couples who fall prey to a sexless or passionless relationship frequently seek tangible solutions to pull themselves

Sexual Intimacy and Your Body

Sexual Intimacy and Your Body

(In a recent blog post—5 Blocks to Sexual Gratification—we briefly touched upon the important issue of somatic disconnection. In today’s post, we’ll further explore the issue of why a disconnection to your own body can hurt emotional as well as sexual intimacy. We end with an exercise designed to help you reconnect to your own

Sexual Intimacy in Marriage: Why Trust Is Central

Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

“Having sex with someone I didn’t really know or care about was easy. It’s when I fell in love that sex became amazing and dangerous at the same time. All of a sudden, trust and the potential for betrayal became relevant.” ~Eric, 33 years old When love becomes part of the relationship landscape, when the

5 Sex Tips to Spice Up Your Marriage

Spice Up Your Marriage

As a relationship matures and evolves over time, sex (and sexual intimacy) will bounce around on a couple’s priority list. At times, sex will exist in the foreground of your union where it is experienced as a vital part of the overall marriage or relationship; while at other times, sex may recede into the background,

Intimacy in Marriage: Is Sex Deepening Emotional Intimacy?

Intimacy in marriage

Say the word “sex” to twenty different people and you are likely to get twenty different reactions. Why is that? Sex is an emotionally-charged experience with few rivals—sex and sexuality are not neutral phenomena, devoid of meaning. In fact, it is the psychological/emotional meaning that sex is imbued with (a meaning shaped by unconscious beliefs

5 Reasons Why Married Sex Can Be Amazing

benefits to married sex

You might have read about—or personally experienced—the challenges some married couples (or couples in long-term relationships) face when it comes to keeping sexual desire and sexual passion alive. The newness of a relationship clearly brings with it certain perks, one being the euphoria and excitement that seems to envelop every aspect of our life (including

The Power of Learning How to Feel Sexy

Learning how to feel sexy

We’ve been talking a great deal about sex, passion and sexual intimacy here at How to Spice Up Your Marriage, but in today’s post, I’d like to shift gears just a little and talk about the importance of feeling sexy even when sex isn’t necessarily on the agenda. How do you define sexy? Do you

Sexual Surrender: Handing Over Power During Sex

Sexual Surrender

Joan’s life is rich and rewarding. She has a strong social support system of friends and family she feels close with, she enjoys the challenges of her career as dean at a highly regarded university, and she has a strong relationship with her husband Albert and their two teenage daughters. A self-described “feminist” and “go

Sexual Teasing to Spice Up Your Relationship

The ARt of Sexual Teasing

Cindy and Gerard have a good marriage—though it’s a bit dull. They love each other deeply and their commitment is strong; they make each other laugh and play well together; they have several shared interests as well as separate interests; and they support each other’s ambitions and dreams. Like many couples, they argue once in

Passionate Love-making: 3 Ways to Rekindle Sexual Desire

passionate love making

How can the same couple who was once driven by sexual passion and couldn’t keep their hands off each other morph into a couple who rarely has sex, and, when they do, it’s mainly because they view sex as an obligation that “should” occur? Anyone in a long-term, committed relationship knows about the challenges of

Better Sex In Marriage Through Variety

Better sex in marriage

“When I told Maria that I wanted sexual variety, she gave me a horrified look,” said Liam, Maria’s husband of seven years. “I think at first she thought ‘variety’ meant I wanted other sexual partners.” He shook his head and smiled. “Once she realized I meant variety within our sex life, she calmed down and

How To Spice Up Your Sex Life: Why Variety is Key

How to spice up your sex life

When it comes to steamy, fulfilling sex, the last thing you may want to hear is “Research shows…” But let me assure you, you’re going to want to hear about this research. Using novel experiences to spice up your sex life Scientific studies verify that when people try new things, the pleasure centers of the

Building a Passionate Marriage: One Wife’s Perspective

Building a Passionate Marriage

Amanda and her two roommates from college, despite living in different parts of the country, make it a point to spend one weekend a year to catch up on each other’s lives and nurture their friendship of more than 20 years. They talk about all sorts of things, and inevitably their conversation will get around

Spice Up the Bedroom: Understanding the Meaning Behind Sex

Understanding Your Sexual Turn Ons

“The other night, I just wanted pure passion…sex for the sake of just having sex. I wanted to lose myself sexually without having to worry about anybody or anything. I need that every once in a while. That kind of sex helps me to mentally reset somehow so that I’m able to cope with all

Intimacy in Marriage: 5 Benefits of Scheduling Sex

intimacy in marriage

We can all see the logic of scheduling life maintenance tasks like medical appointments or our car’s oil change, or even social events, like lunch with a friend. But when we hear of the idea of penciling sex into our busy calendars, we tend to balk…after all, “Sex should be spontaneous (shouldn’t it?)”; “Scheduling intimate